Recently a friend recommended that I make myself available to Help A Reporter Out (HARO). This is a site where reporters go to find people with specific expertise for stories they are working on. The friend that recommended it to me is a former journalist and someone whose integrity and wisdom I trust. I have been thinking about it, until…
I got a rather annoying call from the Badger News Network and a reporter with a vaguely familiar voice and manner.
- Reporter: Dr. Klaus?
- Me: Yes? This is Tom.
- Reporter: My name is Windy and I’m the Senior Political Correspondent for the Badger News Network.
- Me: Badger News Network? Is that new? This is the first I’ve heard of it.
- Windy (the Reporter): You haven’t, sir? I’m surprised. We are well known. Perhaps you’ve heard our slogan? “When you are the news, you’ll be Badgered?”
- Me: No, I haven’t heard the slogan but it does sound…well…ominous.
- Windy: Well, we do make folks in the swamp a bit nervous, sir.
- Me: Uh huh…I’m sure. What can I do for you.
- Windy: Sir, I’m wondering if you could tell me how you feel about President Trump’s victory over COVID-19?
- Me: Victory? When did he defeat it? The last I heard – a few minutes ago – our daily cases are going up again and most states are in the midst of a spike. Seems to me like it is still going strong.
- Windy: No, sir. President Trump defeated it. In fact, you know, he had COVID-19, he overcame it, nearly died, and now is doing great. He’s probably immune!
- Me: Wait a minute…you’re kidding me right? We have no idea what was really going on with him and COVID-19 and we still don’t know that he isn’t asymptomatic and still infecting people.
- Windy: No, sir, I’m not kidding you. President Trump defeated COVID-19 globally (it is just about gone, in fact) and he defeated it personally…nearly rising from the dead.
- Me: This is nuts. I can only think of one reporter that would come up with such a crazy interpretation of the facts…wait a minute…what did you say your name is?
- Windy: Windy sir.
- Me: How is that spelled?
- Windy: “W-I-N-D,” sir.
- Me: You mean “Windy” like big gust of air or like “Winthrop Dykstra”?
- Windy: Silence…lots of silence.
- Me: Did you hear me…you mean “Windy” like…
- Windy: I heard you, sir.
- Me: Then what is it.
- Windy: (Sigh) It’s like “Winthrop Dykstra.”
- Me: Ha! I know you! You are Winthrop Dykstra-Baum!
- Windy: More silence…lots of more silence.
- Me: You are, aren’t you? You are my old nemesis Winthrop Dykstra-Baum, winner of the “Tinfoil Stetson” from Kursgesadt for your groundbreaking story of conspiracy theorists who do not still live in their parents’ basements with a business of hob ferrets.
- Windy: (In a hoarsey whisper): Yes, it’s me.
- Me: Winthrop, what are you doing calling me?
- Win D.: (formerly Windy): I didn’t know who else to call. Nobody else picks up when I call.
- Me: Are you really surprised, Winthrop? Are your really surprised? Look at who you are working for now and what you trying to get me to believe.
- Win D.: Look, times are tough. I had to take a pay cut to work with Badger but they are reimbursing my payments for Obamacare…until President Trump is successful in removing it and replacing it with something better.
- Me: Winthrop, can you hear yourself? Trump doesn’t have a plan to replace it and you know it. You and a lot of folks are going to be in trouble if he does get rid of the ACA, especially now that COVID-19 is heating up again.
- Win D.: Well, I’m glad you mentioned that. Did you hear that President Trump has defeated COVID-19 once and for all? How does that news make you feel?
- Me: Good-bye, Winthrop. (Click)
The View from Jeff
Ha, I knew Winthrop was lurking somewhere in the background waiting to make an appearance!
Yep, that guy is always lurking!