Next week Mary L. Trump speaks some hard truth. On July 14th her book about her uncle, Donald Trump, comes out. Reporting by the New York Times, the Washington Post, and others reveals that it will be the story of her uncle as an incredibly wounded, psychologically damaged and impaired person, whose psychopathology is endangering us all.
This should not really be a surprise to anyone who has, even a little, objectively observed Trump prior to his presidency and since assuming the office in 2017. It is a very dangerous book for Donald Trump because Mary tells hard truth about him that helps us understand some of the other hard truths others have been sharing in their “tell all” books. What gives this book some greater credibility over the others is that 1) Mary was an insider in the Trump clan and 2) she is a clinical psychologist.
Honestly, I won’t giddily read the book looking for salicious, condemning new bits of information about Donald Trump. We already know as much as we need to know about Trump to make a clear headed judgment about his fitness for leadership.
I expect to feel pity and sadness for both Donald Trump and Mary Trump as I read the book.
Both are victims of a highly dysfunctional family and have come through many Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs). I know. That sounds very judgmental, doesn’t it? It is an assessment I can fairly and compassionately make because I also come from a highly dysfunctional family and have a number of ACEs, too. A bit of “It takes one to know one,” plus I was also trained as a therapist and worked with numerous clients who had experienced early childhood trauma.
Donald Trump uses bravado, hubris, and mistruth to feel like a worthy person. I expect this book will make that clearer than ever. Mary Trump is also deeply wounded. She strikes me as a person who needs to write this book as part of her own healing and recovery. It is also an attempt to save others.
I can empathize with both. Like Donald Trump I have felt incredibly insecure and have resorted to the same strategies. I have also been wounded like Mary Trump and felt a need to stake my claim to recovery and save others.
If Your Parent Drinks Too Much was my “tell-all” book in the 1980’s. It didn’t sell nearly as many copies as Mary Trump’s book will, but it did okay. It was nominated for a national book award, won a minor book award, and was translated into German and published in Europe. I didn’t write it as a tell-all book, but that was the impact it had on my family, particularly my sisters.
The book focused on lessons learned from growing up with a severely alcoholic father and a chronically angry mother who resented the presence of her children because they “trapped” her in a marriage she did not want. I did not intentionally tell stories on my family though there were many that could be told. When my sisters read the book, they read between the lines. They saw things in the book that reminded them of things they thought they had forgotten and which they had never discussed with anyone, including among themselves.
Years later I would learn that on a few occasions my sisters would meet up for a weekend to talk about what they had read and then compare their own stories. Even more years later the four of us sat together in a nursing home where my middle sister was waiting to die. On that day we talked for hours, for the first and only time in our lives, by ourselves. Our parents had passed years before and, now, we could freely talk. We finally had the safety to speak the hard truth each of us had hidden. We weeped together, affirmed our love for one another, and healed a little bit more.
Stories like those I told, and which I believe Mary Trump will tell, can make a difference because they speak hard truths which are also often hidden from view. They can be so hard, in fact, that they can be hidden from our conscious self as well. Mary Trump’s book may give Donald Trump the same opportunity it gives her – to heal. I won’t be voting for Trump in the Fall, but I will be hoping he allows this book to move him to experience the healing he so badly needs, and which we all need for him to experience.
a moment of sweetness
This Tweet appeared in my feed recently. It features a serendipitous experience for a young girl in a park. I won’t give the story away but I hope you will take a minute to watch it. I think it will make you smile.
chickenman – episode 78
The Police Commissioner orders the arrest of his own brother, a rum runner. This episode features some great one line zingers from Ms. Helfinger!